DR:
What have you been
up to artistically since your last comic in Dump?
NP: Thank you for asking me that question David – it reminds
me how much drinking I’ve been doing and how many late nights I’ve
been working (never a good mix) because I cannot recall exactly when
Dump was or what I might have done artistically since then...
Certainly as far as drawing cartoons goes the answer would be mot
nuch (sic). Creating cartoons is difficult and enormously time
consuming!! I have produced new ‘cartoon’ greetings cards for
both Glenesk and Kirriemuir and donated a design for a ‘cartoon’
greetings card of Forfar for Forfar Dramatic Society to help them
raise money.
I played Dame again at Arbroath Abbey Theatre Christmas 2015 – my
first time as dame at that particular venue. A delight to play to
such a small audience in such a compact venue with plenty of scope
for ad-libs and interaction.
Otherwise I’ve done a bit of writing for a performance at the
Signal Tower Museum and been in ’80 Days Around the
World’ in Forfar.
…aaaand also I’ve been doing more writing for ‘The Hardest Chip
Shop in Scotland’ to try and develop my character a bit more as
opposed to Sweary’s indefatigable foil.
I had a go at creating band ‘The Insulted and Injured’ which
faltered due to artistic differences and am having another go at
getting ‘POUM’ off the ground. So far got a banjo player and
possibly a bassist so always happy for anybody else to join in!
Otherwise onanism takes up a lot of my time.
DR: What's POUM?
NS:
Oh
honestly – what’s Google for? POUM is the name of my latent new
band. Never heard of George Orwell? Tut tut.
DR:
You are such a diva.
NS:
That's
me. Ask
me another.
DR:
You've
been screen acting as well. You showed me
a bit of a film you were in. Tell me about that.
NS:
Gosh yes David – you’re right. Who does your research?
Well readers I was invited to do a bit of acting in a student’s
film for a course. I was playing an old artist (typecast) who is
discovered by a younger artist sleeping rough in an abandoned house.
For some reason or another that involved lots of cut-aways (as we
call them in the film world) I was to end up getting stabbed to death
by a crowd of young people played by a bevvy of twenty somethings
including my stepson who – bizarrely – had actually once stabbed
me in real life.
The film was shot at the old farmhouse outside Brechin where we (the
old family) used to live. It has sadly been falling into ruin since
we lived there and it caused some reflection to see brambles growing
in through the windows of the room where we had once celebrated the
kids’ birthdays – ah me…
Anyway – entry and egress was afforded by a broken window that some
kindly recyclers had thoughtfully broken in order to get the copper
hot water tank out. Whilst climbing through the window I caught my
fucking arm on a slice of glass and ended up having to be driven to
hospital for stitches. Whined there to the male nurse for a bit about
how strangely painful it is to have to get stitches in your forearm
while there’s blokes out in Afghanistan etc getting their legs
blown off by landmines hardly complaining at all – but I digress.
Anyway I was pretty hacked off with the young director who showed no
further interest in my predicament until asking weeks later if I
could return to the cottage to finish the shoot. After some stern
lecturing (from me) we worked out a compromise and the film was
finished. It’s probably on Pinterest or some infernal site
somewhere if you google ‘middle aged idiot + overacting + youthful
enthusiasm + window + blood’.
DR: That sounds horrible.
NP: Indeed. David Niven told funnier stories about being in
films than I do.
NP: Yes – stabbed by my stepson. Like so many things in life – once
it’s actually happened it’s far less scary than the anticipation
(not that I recommend it…). And it was in the head which is where
least harm is done – great big bone in there thankfully to take the
blow. All friends now.
DR: That's good. What was the name of that film you were
in?
NP: The student one or the
porno?
DR: Either.
Both.
NP: Well it wasn’t so much of a porno as sexting, and it’s been deleted. However seeing as how you won’t drop the other film here goes:
NP: Well it wasn’t so much of a porno as sexting, and it’s been deleted. However seeing as how you won’t drop the other film here goes:
Ask me another.
DR: Last time I asked you how it was working on a comic
with me, you described it as a “piece of piss”. Any behind the
scenes thoughts on “I Ain't Feeling It”?
NP: And a piece of piss it was – I was very pleased with
what I put into the last cartoon, but there was the opportunity to
take the character into the kitchen to look at reflection in teaspoon
etc. The character this time was tied to the chair with the newspaper
and TV. I found myself squeezing headlines onto the front of an
extended newspaper as if it were a strip from ‘The Gambols’. Not
very satisfactory.
As you may remember I responded to your reminder to get the cartoon done by rather grumpily saying ‘I’ll bloody do it now’ – which I did. I should have given myself more time. I just sat me down at the kitchen table and battered it out after a few rough sketches. Should really have taken more care over it. Sorry mate – I’ll try harder next time.
Neil Paterson
continues to fester in his local authority role which precludes him
from writing, drawing or even reading comics 07873383547
Zero Sum Bubblegum is available here.
Zero Sum Bubblegum is available here.